Teagan's Birthday (part 2)

Teagan's birthday was a hard day, but a good day.  It was nice to start it off visiting the hospitals and donating the blankets.  Then the rest of the day was about us.  It was a good mix of down time and busy.  I think a year of those monthly milestones helped me figure out what I needed for this day.  If I'm too busy, I have a complete mental breakdown.  But, too much downtime allows for too much 'pity me' time.  I think we planned the day just right.

 

  Look at these gorgeous flowers!  I have wonderful friends!!  My sweet neighbor Krista brought me flowers in the morning.  Then, Mary Jane, an amazing lady I work with in the Primary brought me some in the afternoon.  It is amazing how flowers can just brighten your day.  It was so thoughtful of them.

While Jared was working on a talk for Sunday and taking a little snooze, the kids and I ended up looking through Teagan's photo book and talking about her.  We all miss her so much.  Bentli and I had a good cry together.  Its so hard to watch your children grieve.  I want to take it all away and make it better... I can't.  Just like no one can take away this pain from me, unfortunately I can't take it away from them either.  Instead I hold my children close while we cry the healing tears together.

Bentli decided to write a card to Teagan... and she said it perfectly.  I couldn't agree more.

Tate decided to draw a picture of Teagan (I love his drawings). 

After this very emotional and hard discussion/crying session I looked out the window and saw this:

 

The way the sun reflected off the clouds reminded me of the picture of the Second Coming when Jesus comes again.  The one where Jesus descends out of Heaven with the angels trumpeting His return.  Look here to see what I'm talking about.

Anyways, it brought me peace like nothing else could have at that moment.  It was a message from our Heavenly Father.  Saying, "Remember!  Remember that this is not the end.  Remember that someday you will have Teagan back in your arms.  Remember my plan!"  It gave me the strength and peace to make it through the day.  And you know what, even though the rest of the day was sad, I had peace through it all.

We all decorated Teagan's cake together.  Well, I guess I should say that Jared gave his input, the kids licked the icing out of the bowl, and I decorated. 

That evening we went to the park with the Clarks and the Bradys.  These friends are our 'Philly Family'.  They have been there for us so so much this past year. 

Cole, Taylor, Lucy, Macie, Bentli, and Tate

Caroline, Troy, and Sherrie

We played, had cake and ice cream, and did a couple different 'releases'.   Okay, so I had bought some sky lanterns to release for Teagan.  Then the weather was classic Philly and completely unpredictable.  There were scattered thunderstorms.  I had a slight panic, the sky lanterns won't work in the rain.  So I bought some balloons as a back-up.

The weather was fantastic... we released both!

 We wrote the names of all of Teagan's 'friends' on the balloons.  Some of them family; many of them Angel Babies of women I have connected with over this past year.  (at the bottom of the post I included a picture of each name)

Macie, Krista, and Ben

Macie was so excited to send the balloons to heaven to Teagan.  It made me smile.

As we were watching the balloons float up to heaven, little Lucy turned to her mom and said, "I miss Teagan."  It makes me cry thinking about it.  I love it.  It was one of the sweetest things I've heard.

Caroline crawling around in the grass.  Caroline's due date was about a week after Teagan's.  They were going to be great friends.  I like to think they were friends in heaven before.  In my mind, she is linked to Teagan. 

And then it was dark enough for the lanterns.  I thought they were so beautiful.  I think we figured out how to do it next year so we can release then all at one time. 

All of Teagan's Angel Friends:

 

Four hundred seventy-five...

475

That is the amount of LilyWraps, or blankets, we were able to deliver to hospitals on Teagan's Birthday/Angel Day.  Eighty-four is the number of flannel diapers we were able to deliver.  I love those numbers, I am so amazed.  When I started this project, I was hoping for 200.  I can't believe we more than doubled that.

**This number does not include the blankets that have been made and given to people's local hospitals.... I love it!

When we delivered the LilyWraps, the nurses at the hospital asked if I did this all on my own.  My answer was a big "No."  There is no way I could have pulled this off on my own.  Not even close.

I am humbled with gratitude from the outpouring of love from so many people.  Many of these people I have never met, others close friends, and others family.   Honestly, I can't even find the words to express how this whole project has made me feel.  I am so awed by the generosity of everyone who has helped me be able to give back.  

I know these blankets will be a priceless gift to a grieving mother.  A gift she will hold on to for the rest of her life, being able to wrap her tiny baby in a blanket made just for them.  A blanket that will be one of the few tangible objects she has of her child's life. It will become a connection to her angel.  I thank everyone who made this possible, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

People sent packages of material

  Packages of already made wraps

I received a package of Teeny Tears Diapers

Tate and Bentli were disappointed at first that all these incoming packages were for Mom and not them.  Once they learned what all these packages contained and what they were for, they were excited with me.  A package would come and would be followed by, "Its another one... Mom, Mom, another package!"  Every package would bring tears of gratitude and happiness.

So many generous people donated money.  Believe me, it was all put to good use!  My kids weren't as excited about the amount of time spent in JoAnns.  Haha.   I wish I would have kept track of how many yards material I ended up buying.  And then so many of my dear neighbors and friends here in Philly chipped in cutting, pinning, ironing, and sewing these blankets up.  So, so much help!

Bentli was excited to help by tying the blankets up with the tag.  It was great mother-daughter bonding time as we would sit and tie together.  She would often remind me how lucky I was that she knew how to tie a bow and could help out so much!

Here is a picture of 375 of the blankets.  100 of them had already been sent to hospitals in Idaho (near Teagan's grave) and Indiana.

84 Diapers!

August 9th, we delivered wraps to Lankenau Hospital.  As I sat waiting for the nurse to come, I thought of my baby.  This is where our sweet little Teagan spent her whole life, all 29 minutes.  This is the hospital of doctors and nurses who did everything they possibly could to give her a chance.  This is the hospital where so many of the staff treated us with so much compassion during the most devastating event in our lives.  I will always remember this place and the people who are so much a part of Teagan's life. 

The nurses were so excited to receive these blankets, to be able to swaddle other tiny angels.

 Cute pic of the kids in the car on the way from Lankenau to Jefferson

A random connection lead us to Jefferson hospital, located downtown Philly.  They were also so excited and happy to receive this donation.

What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes and part of us. 

--Helen Keller