Butterfly Love

One of the highlights of going home for my beautiful little sister's wedding was being able to go and visit Teagan's grave.  It was actually on Teagan's nine month birthday/angel day that we flew in.  My wonderful mother-in-law stayed with the kids so I could go over to the cemetery by myself.  

 

These lilacs were a little gift to me from Heavenly Father (at least that is the way I see it).  Let me tell you why.  I love lilacs, they have childhood memories written all over them for me.  Add in the fact that they are purple (Teagan's color) and I knew I wanted to put some on her grave.  My in-law's neighbors were trimming their lilac bushes and cutting away a lot of the bush.  So, Robbie and I went over and got a bunch of flowers from the parts they cut down.  The flowers were pretty, but they were kind of dried up and not quite healthy.  They were better than nothing though.  

Well, as I was driving to the cemetery I saw a ton of beautiful lilacs growing on a LDS church's property.  At first I told myself, 'No, Jennie- just keep driving'.  I didn't get very far before I flipped a U-ey to get some of those beautiful flowers.  I think Heavenly Father had them growing in abundance in that spot for me.  You couldn't even tell I took any.  Right there on my way to see Teagan.  So with the situation and the fact that it came from church property... call me crazy or call it a tender mercy; I'm calling it a gift from Heavenly Father to me, on a hard day.

I made it to the cemetery with my beautiful lilacs for Teagan.  I talked to Teagan.  I cried.  I prayed.  I cried.  I talked.  I cried some more, splotchy face and all.  Crying is not something to be scared of.  They're a part of grief, they're a part of life.  When you can't find they words to express all you are feeling inside, tears are what replace those unfound words.  I found this quote by Washington Irving once, it says it better than I can:

There is a sacredness in tears.  They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.  They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.

Then, the sweetest thing happened.  A small butterfly came and landed on Teagan's flowers.  She stayed for awhile too.  Just a tiny one.  Kind of fitting, Teagan was just a tiny one too.  Just because they are tiny, doesn't mean they aren't just as wonderful.  Tiny things can carry a tremendous amount of faith and love.  Some may just say it was a coincidence.  I think it was Teagan saying, "It's okay Mom, I'm alright".  It made me smile... it made me cry.

(you may have to look hard, but the little butterfly is there.  Its not a very good pic, it was taken with my phone)