Another month has passed. Friday marked seven months. I could stare at those little feet all day.
Honestly.... it really punched me in the gut. It was the pain in the chest, hard to breath, on the brink of tears all day. I think I had been trying to avoid all those emotions for the last few weeks and they just bubbled over that day. It was the first time in awhile that I just didn't even want to get out of bed. I miss Teagan. I miss her with such intensity. There is a unique hole in my heart that only Teagan will be able to fill. I was telling Jared the other night that I wish I knew when the Second Coming was going to be, so there would be an end date of sorts, so I would know exactly when I was getting my baby back.
I decided that if it was going to be one of those days, I would just fake it. I got cleaned up and even put on a little make-up. Once we got Bentli out the door to school after lunch, Tate and I went to do a little shopping and hit the sales. Can I just say again, that I just adore my little boy? He, in true boy fashion, moaned at every store we went into. We shared a pretzel at the food court and he entertained me with his fantastic imagination. We talked about Teagan, and he told me I need to get another 'Teagan necklace'. I was hurting so bad inside and this one-on-one time with Tate was a balm to my soul.
That night it was time for more comfort food, so the whole family hit Dunkin Donuts and for donuts and hot chocolate. I love my family. I love all three of my kids. I am so grateful of all they do for me and the love they give to me.
9 comments:
Hang in there sweetie, you're doing great. Next week I will be sending your waiting arms info and email to another moms who has just lost her sweet 2 day old baby. What a blessing it has been to all those moms who have joined your blog.
Love you Jennie! I love your honesty and your grace in such an overwhelming situation. You are inspiring and beautiful.
I've said it a thousand times before, but you continue to amaze me with how strong you are and how well you handle all you've been given. You are such an example. Love you!
I have said that a million times about the second coming...if I just knew how long till the 2nd coming, not matter if it was YEARS away, it would makes this MUCH easier on me. I am not a patient person and this is so hard for me.
I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain. Glad that you have your other children to help cheer you up. Mine were definitely a HUGE help to me.
Jennie you're amazing. I'm so sorry that that specific day was so hard. You have a lot of people that love and support you, including me, but I also know that sometimes that doesn't help. Feel what you feel, you're entitled, and hope for a better tomorrow. Love you.
Jennie! I love you!! I wish somehow I could help with this burden... I just don't know how :(. I hope the next hard day is farther and farther away. I hope the heartache is eventually replaced with hope. Thank goodness for comfort foods eh? Somehow it makes things just a smidgen better:). -Carrie
Oh her itty bitty feet. I love them and I seriously love you. I was just thinking "I wonder when her husband is done with school? I really want her to move by me."
You are such a strong mama!! Those milestones are hard and the pain is so raw and real. Please know I pray for you and your sweet family and think of you often! Big hugs!!
ps. I tagged you in my blog id love it if you play along. Big hugs mama!!
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